The Little Details And The Big Picture: Rekindling Emotional Closeness In Your Marriage

Even though divorces can happen for serious reasons, like infidelity or abuse, many divorces in America happen simply because the love and romance behind the marriage contract slowly fade away. One article lists lack of intimacy, unmet expectations, and a loss of individuality as some of the reasons why couples contemplate divorce. These problems usually come when the closeness and trust you built during the early years is not longer there. It takes some real work to bring closeness back into a marriage, but if you are both willing to put in some extra effort, you can rekindle some of the spark that seems to have disappeared over time. Here are two ways that you can help to keep emotional intimacy alive in your marriage– even when it has been years since the honeymoon.  1. Get the details. One of the reasons why people start to “grow apart” in marriage is because they become so involved in the day to day task of living life, working, and raising kids that they fail to really connect each day and know the specific details about their partner’s thoughts, feelings and struggles.  People change over time, so it is important to always reconnect each day. You can begin to feel closer to your partner again by getting past generic questions like, “How was your day?” and ask questions and share experiences that contain detail and emotion. Some of the questions you could ask include: what was the best part of your day today? what made you feel frustrated today? did you have to deal with any difficult people at work? what did you learn about in your photography class? is there anything you wanted to do today that you didn’t get around to doing? These questions show a deeper level of interest in your partner’s life. As you ask pointed questions, you will get more intimate details about their thoughts, relationships with others, and the personal struggles they are going through. You can remember these details to inform your questions the next day. For example, after your spouse confides that she really struggles to reach a special needs child in her classroom, you could follow up the next day with a question like “How did things go with Johnny today?” These questions do a variety of things: they let you into the world of your spouse, they show that you genuinely care about them and their individual trials, and they also show your spouse that their answers are worth remembering. You’ll find that as you get the real details about life, that you will begin to renew your friendship and trust in one another.  2. Keep the dreams alive. Again, mundane life...

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